Mince pies, who ate all the mince pies?
I hear the ‘average’ person eats twenty-three mince pies over the festive period, twenty freaking three. I for am below the average, I am not even part of the statistc why? Because I ate none, I have most likely eaten one in my whole twenty-three years of breathing space. The ‘average’ person has eaten one mince pie for every one of my Christmases in the past twenty-three years in the Christmas spirit. Will the mince pies lovers please step forward, are you also a member of the 3,000-calorie Christmas dinner? No wonder most people are super depressed in January, I would be too.
Many family debates, you know the same old same Uncle by marriage basically saying I should not listen to Phil Spector because he is a murderer, how did Jacko sell out all those tour dates then? I know he his no murderer, but we know the slander story. Prince all the way.
Who got some fit presents? I practically made out with the old vintage globe I was given, I can picture it now sat in my bed, waiting for some saucy action of spinning and finger printing whilst listening to The Dirty Dancing soundtrack and downing a bottle of Baileys for you know, extra courage. Oh my, thinking about this is making one flushed. On that note, let me bathe in my ridiculous amounts of pink bath salts all at one time, that shalt show my cousin, a dirty grunge, me? With my pink bathing salts? I think not.
Can I please have a drum roll please? Please? No? Okay, here is,
Future Rust, And Future Dust Top 5 Songs of 2011
Slow Club – Where I’m Waking/Still Alive (Paradise)
I couldn’t honestly chose between which of the quirky duos Slow Club song taken from current album Paradise, both are too damn good not to feature on my top five list. In joint place I give you ‘Where I’m Waking’ and ‘Still Alive’ both see singer Rebecca purring like a cat with the quirk cream over the incredible major seventh chords bouncing over the ever-amazing drums. Both are amazing under rated pop songs from the otherwise folk band.
Tribes – We Were Children (Baby)
What is a list without my treasured Tribes? Bias? Me? Damn right, I for one am very loyal to good music. Tribes saw Camden come to a stand still on Mothers Day this year (sorry mum) during the making of ‘We Were Children,’ which, lets be fair, is trembling in Camden grunge mixed with beery lyrics and sweaty guitars.
Warpaint – Billie Holiday (The Fool)
‘Billie Holiday’ appeared in Warpaint The Fool deluxe edition album, and is by far is one of the greatest songs of this year, ‘Billie Holiday’ is loaded with feminine sexual grrl power. I remember listening to ‘Billie Holiday’ for hours solid, dozing into a make believable love affair with the girls, the daydream was hot, okay? The harmony holds such an vulnerable, simple, yet quite hardened grrl power vibe. The acapella moment at the end of ‘Billie Holiday’ is worth wetting the bed for, every night until the bed sheets cave in. Pure oooze.
Blood Orange – Sutphin Boulevard (Coastal Grooves)
Devonté Hynes current project oozes in sexual gender of New York’s dressing up nightlife. ‘Sutphin Boulevard’ mostly is my most played song on repeat, I could listen to the quirky Prince guitars all day for the rest of my life, stunning, arousing and soulful would be my way of describing the ultimate too cool glamorous Japanese pop ‘Sutphin Boulevard’.
The Horrors – Still Life (Skying)
The Horrors know a good experimental lead song well they hear one, ‘Still Life’ went deeper than ‘Sea Within A Sea’ could imagine, 80′s synth-heavy, orgasm bass line layered upon Faris rich vocals being blinding by the psychedelic colourful. The song that set them apart from all previous songs, landing them a Top five album and a A list song on Radio One, who would have thought 2011 would see the once scary garage rock band create such a stand out beyond memorable song, album even?
The awards for the most over played songs of 2011
Foster The People – Pumped Up Kicks and Lana Del Rey – Video Games, almost impossible to turn on a indie radio station without meaning smashed in the face by both these songs.
Any Adele and Rihanna song. One whines about heartbreak, the other touches her crotch more often than South London’s finest ‘man dems’
Does anyone fancy knowing my top album of the year? Look away now PJ Harvey fans, I for one did no such thing. Instead I sit here thinking this over in more ways then can be said. My top three are always swapping and tramping over each other, but here it goes.
Right now, this second.
Coastal Grooves just snatches the title away, seems I have been sucked into this lengthy crazy life style of drag queens to the point of wanting to stretch my eye-liner to the other side of my face. Coastal Grooves is sexual, cool beyond coolness, edgy, Dev sings like a lady playing Prince style guitars in the middle of a spit roast with ladies with fake breasts eating Chinese on pavement corners. How far away is this from The Suburbs by Arcade Fire being the album of 2010?
Oh,guess what? Who wants to know my second and third?
Skying by The Horrors takes my second vote, an album of magical come downs being washed away in beefy guitars, sexual bass lines and synth laden enrichments of pleasure of taking acid and listening to an album a cut above what other bands are taking part in. I for one will always remember 2011 as The Horrors year of late 80′s early 90′s musical heaven and took them to levels of unbelievable dizzy new heights. They did Skying all alone, home built studio basement next door to Dalstons finest old man pub. Skying is more than just another album, it is a masterpiece that for years to come will be that ‘album’
Pala by Friendly Fires makes my third album of the year, I suffered a great deal of breakdown when I first raved my ears into Pala, within a week I was blessed with such character of dance, indie, trip hip in-waved in such a Friendly Fires dance till you sweat vibe, it was almost impossible not to laugh the moment a light switches onto amazing mode and not oh, my.
I must dash before my top three albums swap around again, on that note. May I wish you a merry New Year of heartbreak, vomit and greasy burgers from the floor of local kebab shop. Remember New Years is overrated, yet also worth the hugging of strangers and deadly mixtures of hair, lipstick, tights, oh and of course alcohol,more alcohol and some more. I look forward to being hungover with you.
Each and every record mentioned above is worth a trip to your local record store/itunes for, If you don’t go, I may just haunt you, I can do this. I am special. Honestly you won’t regret it (the buying I mean, not me haunting you.)